


It's All Around The School That I Love You

by allegheny



Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: "two bitches from orange county", Colorado Rockies, High School, M/M, Oakland Athletics, Platinum Gloves, Puppy Love, SoCal's Finest, Teen Crush, Teenage Diary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-07 21:51:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,090
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19858576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allegheny/pseuds/allegheny
Summary: They say it isn't realBut I know what I feel,And I love you.Matt can't stop looking at the handsome senior during games.He knows it's hopeless.





	It's All Around The School That I Love You

**Author's Note:**

  * In response to a prompt by [shizamiam](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shizamiam/pseuds/shizamiam) in the [boysofsummer19](https://archiveofourown.org/collections/boysofsummer19) collection. 



> **Prompt:**
> 
> Nolan Arenado/Matt Chapman
> 
> They went to HS together and now are ridiculous platinum glove winning third basemen (https://www.mlb.com/news/platinum-gloves-to-nolan-arenado-matt-chapman-c300530454). Whatever you want to write about them I’ll love!
> 
> \---------  
>   
>  **I really recommend** that you listen to the lovely, adorable Elton John song I wrote this to, [Elton's Song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nb72eVjzqXI), his first purposeful gay love song. This is _basically_ a songfic, so it can't hurt you.  
> Oh, and since the first part of this fic is made up of diary entries... warning for first person narration ooooooo the FORBIDDEN NARRATION

**DIARY 2008-2009**

**SOPHOMORE YR**

**February 24th, 2009**

So I made the varsity team! Which is good news! Dad was ECSTATIC. I mean, I'm really happy too, but I knew I could do it. Guess who also, obviously, made the team again? Nolan. I'm gonna be playing on the same team as him instead of against him! He's definitely the best 3B in the county, he's for sure gonna be a major leaguer... he's a god, wow. I'm really, really excited. I don't wanna sound lame but he's the COOLEST guy ever and he's such a great player. Honestly maybe I'm more excited about playing with him than making the team. Maybe not. I don't know! Maybe I'm a little obsessed with him but like, who wouldn't be. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one. I just can't wait!!!!

**March 10th, 2009**

Oh, and we really started ramping up practice today. We started doing actual baseball stuff. We took ground balls, all that. And after practice we all got nachos together. The seniors and juniors don't really talk to me of course but I slipped in a couple jokes that made most of them laugh, so I think I'm doing OK! Anyway while we were taking the grounders, I made sure to look at Nolan really well. I mean, the way he plays is insane. I actually couldn't take my eyes off him. He's so freaking effortless! He makes it look so easy, especially the throws. He's so agile? I think that's the best way to describe it. I wanna be like that. Everything about him is soooo smooth. I mean, not just his play, even him as a person. He's got that long curly hair now, and his dark brown eyes, and he's funny too! Everyone always laughs at his jokes. And he's a star, so of course all the girls are after him. They're crazy for him. And as usual I don't even get a second look from any interesting girls. Ugh. Well it's not his fault he's so perfect, I guess. Anyway, he's just as good as I expected.  
Honestly I want to BE him.

**March 13th, 2009**

Okay, I have a problem. I'm writing this entry cause I can't sleep, it's like 2AM, and I can't sleep. I keep thinking about him. My heart just won't stop racing and I can't stop thinking about his smile and his eyes, it just hurts my chest. And I can't even write his name down anymore. I don't know why, it just feels weird... tainted. I tried writing the letters separately and I just end up feeling weird and ashamed. Because I shouldn't be thinking about him so much, should I, I don't know why I'm obsessed with him like this. I feel like that shouldn't be allowed.  
I just want to cry.

**March 27th, 2009**

Okay so I know I haven't written in here in forever, but I was thinking a lot. I really couldn't bring myself to write anything. Even though a lot of stuff happened, like, I even got to start a game at shortstop. And a lot happened on the "dating scene" and that's always interesting. I just didn't feel like I could write about that when i was thinking so much about more important stuff. It'd be like I was lying and I tried writing about the important stuff to get it off my mind but it was too hard. Well. I can now. I can't write around it or ignore it anymore. Okay, I think I'm probably gay.  
Wow it feels weird to write. The thing is I don't know if my parents will be okay with it and that's really stressful. I don't know, I wish I hadn't started thinking about it but also I feel better now that I can think about it. Does that make sense? I don't know maybe it's stupid. Whatever.

**April 2nd, 2009**

In other news, we took drills today and after mine were done I just watched Nolan taking his. I've been having a hard time even looking at Nolan lately, I've been avoiding him because. You know. But I looked at him today and his legs are so long and his hair is so, ugh, cute, and his smile... it's so big and you can see all his teeth and his eyes crinkle so much they're almost closed. And I didn't feel ashamed at all looking at him. I felt good. I felt amazing. I was just looking at him and my hair was standing up on the back of my neck and I know it sounds really cheesy, and, I mean I've only "officially" been gay for like, two days... but he's the most beautiful boy on earth. He's just perfect. I just want to look at him all the time. There's no one like him. I want to look at him forever.

**April 6th, 2009**

Anyway, today at practice Nolan was sooo funny. And he was talking to me, like, actually talking to me! Well, he was teasing me, ribbing me, you know. And I'm usually great at that! I'm a little goofy. I'm kind of a clown, I'm good at making people laugh I guess. But I couldn't say anything back to him. My mouth was so dry and I just laughed like an idiot, I felt so nervous. Ugh. I looked so fucking lame. I'm not usually like this. But Nolan just does that to me. He just messes me up.

**April 10th, 2009**

Okay, so I saw Nolan in the hallway today. And I was really trying hard not to stare at him being totally beautiful, because he looks just as good in and out of the baseball unis. Oh my god, he caught my eye. And he SMILED. And my heart started beating so fast I had to look away. I was too nervous. I probably looked fucking stupid. But I've been thinking about him all day in school, just daydreaming in class. He's got this nice tan neck and these sharp wide shoulders and big soft hands and when he wears tank tops he's got a little chest hair and oh my god I just want to kiss him all over, like ALL OVER. I want to hold him and touch him and be with him. I wanna... do stuff that I don't wanna write about in here but like, I know what I wanna do.  
I was looking at his myspace photos earlier just scrolling. He's got facebook too. Anyway I was just looking. I felt like a fucking girl just freaking out over him and stalking him on the internet but I really can't get enough of him. I just... love him. So much. I wanna always be looking at him. He's always on my mind. I thought it was bad before but honestly? It's only getting more intense.

**April 15th, 2009**

OK I just had to punch my pillow so much, I can barely hold my pen right now because I'm shaking so much. But hopefully this calms me down. Anyway, dad was saying teenagers can't be gay because it's just hormones. But I don't think what I feel for Nolan is just hormones! I love him. He's so beautiful and funny and just, elegant and cool. And I feel so giddy in my chest when I see him, so if this isn't what being in love is then I don't even know! It makes me so fucking angry having to listen to that. I'm gonna be 16, I know what I'm feeling. He's just so fucking wrong. It's real. I can feel it. It's real.

**April 20th, 2009**

Other than that, Nolan threw his helmet and got ejected today, so I was put in to play for him, which was pretty cool. I turned a double play to end the inning and I think everybody was pretty impressed with me so hopefully I can get more playing time. They can see I'm good. Anyway. Coach chewed Nolan out SO bad for that, but when he came out just after throwing the helmet his face was all red, he was so angry, and honestly it was really, really hot. I almost forgot I had to go on the field because I was looking at him. It wasn't too weird because everyone else was kind of stealing looks too. But really I should be careful about the staring.  
Anyway after the game, in the locker room, he came up to me (!!!!) and he told me I did great and thanked me and patted my ass. Okay, everybody does that but look my heart was racing. He even gave it a little squeeze too and, you know, the way he smiled at me I just felt so happy.  
And I've been thinking about it a lot, maybe I'm overreacting, but what if he means more? Like, there's a possibility, right?  
Okay I'm being stupid. But maybe there's a chance?

**April 28th, 2009**

Okay, and Nolan caught me in the hallway and wished me a happy birthday? I almost freaked out! I didn't think he'd even know about it. But he did and he smiled at me and all... his smile just KILLS me. I could barely move afterwards.  
So yeah, it was a good birthday for that too.  
I mean, what if... whenever we talk he's always so... sharp and funny. He could be flirting. I mean he's not, but... it only makes me love him more.

**May 10th, 2009**

So later we all went to the beach and guess what? Nolan was there with his brothers, surfing. Like, we sat just a few feet from where they had their stuff, by mistake! and I didn't know until they came back to have a water break. I swear!  
Okay maybe I saw them from far away and recognised Nolan's bag and acted like I didn't know and just sat down there. But not in like a stalker way. It was a coincidence. Mostly.  
Anyway, I could see him surfing from where we were sitting, so of course I was watching. I was really trying hard to listen to whatever the guys were saying but. He looked really good and... graceful, I don't know, my heart was beating so fast looking at him. And then he got out of the water, and he pulled off the top of his wetsuit and he was just walking there bare-chested dripping with his wet hair and he looked... wow. incredible. I mean thank fuck I was wearing denim shorts. It's way different from just him in his underwear in the locker room, it's so much hotter, honestly I had to make the biggest effort to think of stuff that would turn me off because it could have gotten awkward. But he saw me and he WAVED at me and I waved back. And he smiled at me, with his pretty teeth and his slicked back hair. It was pure. Torture. I keep thinking of that image and I can't get it out of my head. Of course Tyler noticed I was looking and he made fun of me and I got a little scared but I think he was just joking. I mean, hopefully.  
I just can't stop thinking about how good he looked, his collarbones, his shoulders, and he's so lean and muscular and beautiful, with the droplets rolling down his chest. I just wanted to touch him. I love him. I just want him so bad. The things I'd let him do. Honestly.

**May 19th, 2009**

The lamest thing about me is I'm like a girl when I daydream. Like, today in American history I completely zoned out and I was thinking about Nolan and how, if we were together I'd kiss him all the time. Then we'd leave here and we'd both be ballplayers and be the best players on our teams. We'd live together in the offseason in a huge house and we'd lie by the pool together (and he'd look like he did at the beach this weekend). And maybe we'd have a dog or even two. And maybe we'd even have kids when we're older. We'd get married. It would be a whole thing. I know it's ridiculous and cheesy. But I'd have him all to myself and he'd always want to hold me (and more) and honestly, that's the dream.

**May 23rd, 2009**

And Nolan... I just can't take it. I just want him so bad. So so bad, it's just like, why can't I have him? I wish I was a girl. I could just go up to him and ask him out. Well, I'd need to be a pretty girl. But I'm not, so that's where that ends. I just feel SO stupid. Just lying awake dreaming about things that will probably never happen. I'm stupid and I'm crying over this, like a fucking girl. I wish I could stop loving him but I can't. I just can't. I got it so bad.

**May 26th, 2009**

I just sat all game staring at Nolan from the dugout. Just alone in my corner. Just watching him fielding. And hitting. When he removes his hat and runs his fingers through his hair and rolls his head. And when he stretches... his legs and his arms and the way his body twists. And the way he tried not to act excited when he hit a home run in the 3rd. He came for the high fives, and sat down not far from me. And I just have to sit there and bear it. Act like I don't want to sit closer and kiss him and pull him as close as I can. Just smile like I don't care when he's there being beautiful, like it doesn't do anything to me.  
It's just hard. I had a pit in my stomach. I wish he had any idea what he's putting me through.

**June 1st, 2009**

Everyone's preparing for prom right now, so it really all makes it so much worse. I just look at everyone and wish it was me and Nolan, I KNOW it's stupid.  
But we made accidental eye contact during training today and I just... could get lost in his eyes, they're dark brown and warm and comforting. People always act like brown eyes are boring but they're not.  
I keep daydreaming... just looking in his eyes and he asks me out to prom. And in my head nobody cares, of course, we just go together. It's his prom of course so he's the one who picks me up. We have a blast. We talk about movies and about baseball and we dance together. I can hold him as close as I want. If anybody cares, Nolan defends me. And afterwards we go to his house and we watch a good movie, and we make out on the couch and maybe more.  
Maybe he'd have a cheesy sign for the proposal like Jake Delaney did for his date.  
I just WANT him so bad! I want him so bad I could almost just walk up to him and try it. But I don't because I'm not that fucking dumb. Anyway, I can barely say his name out loud. I'm too afraid somehow people can tell I love him just from the way I say it which is probably a little paranoid.  
Anyway I'm gonna cry in bed for a little.

**June 6th, 2009**

So the first thing I did with the car is I drove out to the beach and I just sat there for a while throwing rocks at the water like I'm in a movie. If Nolan only fucking KNEW what he does to me. It's stupid that I'm so mad at him when he probably doesn't even care about me at all. I'm just some sophomore kid on the bench. Of course he smiles at me, of course he's nice to me, we're on the same team. It doesn't mean anything. But I just spent so much time daydreaming about him I almost feel... betrayed. I know it's not fair to him. It's just my imagination. I just can't help being so upset by him bringing that girl to prom. Probably she's his girlfriend anyway.  
Right now I'd give anything for her not to exist and for just that one prom night with him.

**June 9th, 2009**

So.  
I guess that's the last I'm gonna see of Nolan for a while and maybe that's for the best. He's going off to rookie league tomorrow and he said goodbye to everybody in the dugout after the game yesterday.  
I never ever had a chance, and nothing was ever gonna happen but I'm gonna miss seeing him, I'm gonna miss being around him, I'm just gonna miss him. My heart already hurts just thinking about it. And I can't breathe right. What's even the point of being in love. All it does is hurt.  
Maybe it's good he's going away. I'll think about him less. And it won't hurt so bad.  
I wish I could just hold him in my arms and kiss him just once before he goes.  
I wouldn't wish for anything else ever in my life.

* * *

**November 9th, 2018**

**Rawlings Gold Glove Awards**

**New York, NY**

Matt smoothes his tie out in the mirror.  
His dad gave this one to him last Christmas. It's got a nice smart pattern and it goes well with Matt's dark navy suit — he's glad he got it tailored, it makes all the difference.  
He's still a little giddy, his heart's still beating fast. Of course, he expected to get his hardware. Of course it felt great to be holding an absurd hunk of golden metal with your name on it, celebrating something you work so hard at and are especially proud of. And it felt humbling to be rubbing elbows with stars of the game, to be in the same conversation as guys he looked up to. And the look on his parents' faces when he looked down at them from the stage, beaming up with pride.

But he wasn't prepared for the Platinum Glove. He wasn't prepared when he stood up, a little stunned, and the only other person standing from their table in the room was Nolan Arenado.

Now, it wasn't even like it was the first time Matt saw him since high school. He has Nolan's number, god damn, their younger siblings are friends, they'd seen each other around since and they'd even played against each other a few weeks ago. He could even say they kept in touch, at least ever since Matt had been drafted and had recieved a text of congratulations from an unknown number, signed Nolan Arenado.  
But every time — every single time — he saw Nolan, no matter how hard Matt tried, his hopeless teenage crush resurfaced in his chest. He'd tried to shake it off, knew it was stupid.

Yet as he stood there surprised and exposed in front of all these people, his and Nolan's eyes crossed, and suddenly Matt was nervous and fifteen again, couldn't hold eye contact, felt his heart racing.

Nolan was there, in his anthracite three-piece suit, with his porcupine-stiff short black hair and his dark eyes wide and his stubbly jaw, and Matt was a lovesick boy looking up to a handsome senior.  
And then they were both standing up there, Matt unable to even process the concept of people truly thinking he was the best defensive player in the American League, too busy thinking about the way Nolan took his hand and shook it before pulling him in a one-armed hug, the closest, the very closest their bodies had ever been.

Trophies in hand, smiling dumb large smiles, they'd stood arm to arm, posing for the cameras, Matt's confused brain tugged between pride and agitation.  
It was no longer than the blink of an eye. He'd been congratulated and patted on the back by his family, and by Olly, and then he'd excused himself, because he needed to collect himself for a second.

Now here he is, adjusting his tie in front of the mirror in the bathroom of a fancy New York hotel.  
Thinking about recognition. And thinking about Nolan Arenado.

The door to the bathroom opens.  
He hears someone step in and starts fixing his hair, trying to act regular. He still can't get his heart rate down.  
He's focusing so hard on this one particular strand at his hairline that he almost jumps when he notices that Nolan is standing right next to him, hands in his pockets, looking at him into the mirror.

"Oh! Jesus." Matt lets out, startled.

Nolan smiles, looking into his reflection's eyes.

"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you."

He lifts his hand, and it lands on Matt's shoulder.

"Congrats. You deserve it."

Matt can't help but flush. He doesn't know what to do with his hands.

"Oh, uh. Thanks." He says, as decisively as possible.

They stand there quietly for a timeless moment, Matt fixing Nolan's reflected image, his soft tan face, the almond shape of his eyes, the more mature set of his eyebrows. They stare.

Nolan glances back towards the door.

And then his hands are on Matt's chest and on his arm and he's pulling him behind the sinks down by the stalls and softly pushing him against the wall in one swift, gentle movement.

And then he kisses him.

It's brief, chaste, and Matt's breath hitches.

Nolan's hand is flat against his sternum and he must feel Matt's heart about to beat out of his chest, about to smash through his ribcage. And when he pulls away and opens his eyes he must see the stunned look on Matt's face, must see his jaw falling ajar.  
He just _smirks_ , and reaches up to poke the frizzy blonde curl Matt was messing about with, letting his fingers drag against the side of his face and his chin as he brings it back down to his arm.

"Relax." He whispers. "Just enjoy it."

Matt isn't sure what he's talking about, if it's about all of this, the Gold Gloves, the attention, the awards, or if it's about all of that, the kiss, the bathrooms, Nolan's tall body.  
Does it matter? He's not sure. It doesn't make much sense, but his teenage self is screaming at him, you idiot. You idiot. You would have died for this. Let it happen. Don't question it.

Nolan kisses him again, and this time, Matt kisses back.  
He grabs onto Nolan's lapel like a castaway to a life-vest, and they're making out against this tile wall, nestled around this corner. It feels too short and so long all at once, but it's all Matt has ever wanted.

When they break apart, Nolan's cheeks a little darker and the sides of his jacket rumpled by Matt's fists, he wipes Matt's wet lips with his thumb. Then, he looks down at his feet like an awkward teenage girl, and giggles quietly.

"We should head back." he says, dusting himself with his hands. "These things are always shorter than you think they're gonna be. You gotta make the most of it."

Matt doesn't have anything to say.  
His mind is empty.  
He straightens up, and Nolan starts walking away, hands in pockets, swaggering along. He spins as Matt starts following, leaning on the wall to support his wobbly legs, looking around the wall at the taller man leaving.

"Wait a little before leaving." he adds, motioning towards the door. "You never know."

He winks, he winks and gets away with it, and exits the room.

Matt turns towards the mirror, and looks at his blotchy cheeks and his swollen lips.  
He has no idea what just happened. All that he knows is he's so happy he can barely breathe, all that he knows is there are fireworks in his chest and a warm fire in his stomach, and he can barely remember anything that happened tonight up to this point now.

His phone buzzes, and he extracts it from his pocket, his eyes unfocused, his body in a trance.

**TEXT : NOLAN ARENADO**  
**Your room or mine later?**

He stares at the screen. And then he stares back at himself in the mirror.  
He's sure he'll understand in time. He's sure Nolan has an explanation.  
But right now he's sixteen again. And he's never felt more alive.

**Author's Note:**

> Look. I was a weird kid. I have no idea how teenagers wrote in 2009. I remember the internet speak but I'll be fucked if I remember how I actually wrote back then. Probably something like this so that's what you get.  
> And I know most dudes don't have a diary at 15-16, but Chappy clearly is a sensitive boy in this and needs somewhere to put his thoughts.
> 
> I love Chappynado now, hell yeah!
> 
> **Please leave a comment if you liked it!!**


End file.
